🎧 1. A disappointment to my parents
I made my mum cry, so I turned it into an audio art piece.
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⚠️ Warning: This episode contains swear words and high frequency sounds 💫💫💫🦇
Highlights
😏 I came out to my parents and made my mum cry. Achievement unlocked.
💢 The deep root of my parents’ crushing expectations and their lack of affection.
♺ My answer to the meaninglessness of life and its endless suffering cycle.
🀂🀀 What had to be given up for East and West to peacefully coexist?
We believe in quality over quantity. These pieces take WEEKS of care to craft and maintain. Subscribing and SHARING keeps us pumped and helps us in a long way! 🙇🏻♀️👶🏻🙇🏻♂️
Show Notes
References 👉
Photos! 📸
Easter eggs & bonuses 🐣
Thank you 🙏
Transcript 🔍
SPOILER ALERT below onward
1. References 👉
Beautiful documentary podcasts
This American Life = little moments in life
Radiolab = science and life big questions
99% Invisible = hidden design
More recommendations here from me to you (I really love them)
My random nihilistic thoughts
Nirvana (Buddhism)
The endless suffering cycle (Buddhism)
Just a blip in time and space (Galactic History)
“In the long run we are all dead.” (Economics — used out of context, sorry!)
Borrowed atoms and order (Biochemistry)
Entropy heat death (Physics)
“Morphine injected emotionally” (was thinking of self-medication / Brave New World’s hormone manipulation dystopian)
Filial piety (Confucianism)
Michelle Obama
Becoming = her autobiography
Joyce was concerned I didn’t have the voice, character or charisma to do a podcast, the way that Michelle Obama did when she read her audiobook. Pfft. We’ll see about that.
2. Photos! 📸
3. Easter eggs & bonuses 🐣
Behind those words 😏
“The Dark Lord” = A nod to Joyce’s religion, Harry Potter.
“Finish each other's sandwiches” = From the Frozen’s song ‘Love is an Open Door’. Joyce is obsessed with Disney.
“Peeled mangos” = I only realised after 30 years that my parents don’t prefer ripe mango. So those left in the fridge were really just for me. OMG.
“Inventing the COVID-19 vaccines” = Admittedly, I studied Biochemistry in university, but alas, I had no talent for it…
“High-brow academic stuff” = Joyce is currently doing a PhD in the UK. That’s why she’s particularly sensitive to this comment from my parents.
Nihilism: do our actions matter at all? 😞
The more interesting thing about this question is what it revealed about my state of mind at that point. Why was I having nihilistic thoughts? (the symptom)
Simple. I was depressed about the powerlessness and meaninglessness of my life.
As for my answer to the question directly, I think it depends on what scale we are talking about. To the universe with eternity as a lifespan, probably not. To millennials of society, maybe. To our immediate family, very. To my own self, definitely! Every second.
So I’ll just focus on that since the rest are beyond my silly brain’s comprehension. Life is whatever we make of it.
Am I blind to live by my feelings, that’s so easily manipulatable... 🤨
Can we trust our flawed and vulnerable biological hardware? = With surviving and propagating as our evolutionarily biased objective, built-in cognitive biases, and easily hijacked by the media, algorithms and drugs.
But until we can transcend these limitations through technology (although can it even be done ethically?), I guess this is the only way to live that I know of at the moment.
Regarding the idea of a ‘Dream Job’ 😑
I’m not glorifying labour. Nor am I implying that you need a passion in life, otherwise you’re not human. Everyone has their own meaning of life and it’s not always ‘to work’.
Also, our dream is constantly being updated. Like I said, my career path is already changing again.
It’s just... all my life, I’ve been annoyed by my parents nudging me to pick up entrepreneurship. So naturally, deep down I wanted to rebel... and go for that unspeakable career.
Buddhism: one path to peace 🧘🏻♀️
I was a monk once. It didn’t work out, but I did learn some great lessons.
I interpret nirvana metaphorically — as achieving a peaceful state of existence —rather than literally, like traditional Buddhists, as being released from the suffering cycle caused by endless reincarnation. I don’t know if we can scientifically prove rebirth, so I’m just going to focus on managing this life first, if you don’t mind…
Now, the traditional Thai Buddhist’s path to nirvana that I was taught is one good way of achieving peace — cultivating meta-awareness and emotional control through meditation.
When you’re wiser, you can avoid troublesome narratives like living out of balance, or... having babies, for example. Hehehe.
But there are many other paths that work in helping me maintain a peaceful state of mind too. Like:
🏂 Adopting a romantic yet mature mindset = Embracing both the bitterness and the sweetness of life. Like stories or coffee, life is bland and empty without the bitterness.
🤺 Enjoying challenges with a fighter/competitor mindset
🧗♀️ Practising Stoicism
🏋️♀️ Exercising to increase tolerance against suffering
🏇 Using technologies & tools to disrupt suffering directly
I’m extremely curious. I like to experience life in all its glory. That’s why I failed as a monk. Still I’m quite at peace with everything to come in life so I guess it’s alright. 😛
Parents saying “We did everything for you…” 😤
I don’t buy in to that completely. But there’s also some truth to that statement. Let me explain.
NO = They worked hard to get out of poverty, surely not just for future generations alone, but to improve their own quality of life too? Same goes for having kids (like adopting a pet), it’s their own choice to pick up this devil of a baby (me 😈). I didn’t choose to ‘nail my consciousness onto this body’ and start this 80 years adventure, I was dragged into it.
YES = Well, they could have sent me away for adoption, you know. Instead, out of love or out of culture (Chinese ‘circle of life’ / insurance policy), they raised me up with privilege. I’m grateful for that.
But the most important thing is, I still think the impact of this statement is too much. As John Cho pointed out, that’s too much burden and guilt for a child to bear at such a young age. Just keep that in mind when you tell a kid that. Otherwise you might end up with a broken human like me…
Balancing Eastern collectivism 👨👩👧👦 vs Western individualism 🤸♀️
After much thought, I think the reason my parents and I had a good ending was because we have mutual respect and want each other to be happy.
My parents wanted me to be happy, so they gave me full trust and autonomy even though I might not follow their preferred path. I truly appreciate this rare privilege (and also their support for my education).
As for me, I wanted my parents to be happy and I tried to do everything to fulfil our social contract (‘The Chinese Circle of Life’). Despite having a wild, burning dream, I’m willing to delay it, reshape it — whatever it takes — in order not to compromise my parents’ happiness. Thus, the reason for the change in my career path again.
Let us know what you think about any of the above.
4. Thank you 🙏
😎 To you, our listener, for listening
😂 The reluctant co-host = Joyce, “the obligated girlfriend, always”
🐯🐶 Guests = my parents
🎻 Music library = Blue Dot Sessions
💣 SFX library = freesound.org
We believe in quality over quantity. These pieces take WEEKS of care to craft and maintain. Subscribing and SHARING keeps us pumped and helps us in a long way! 🙇🏻♀️👶🏻🙇🏻♂️
5. Transcript 🔍
Notes
This is a sound-rich episode with musical scores and sound effects. Listen to it to get the best experience.
Italic words = echoed voice
JW = Joyce & Win
SFX = sound effect
My parents spoke in Thai. Their words were translated by me, but voiced-over by Joyce in English.
Segments
Warning
Prologue
Intro: one last chance for my parents
Sponsor message 1: cool documentary podcasts
I graduated for them
Wandering nihilistic thoughts
Completing our Chinese circle of life
I wasn’t good enough. Worthless.
Throw it all away to become an artist
Sponsor message 2: thank you pa and ma
Coming out to my parents
The showdown
Drowning
Opening up, slowly together
Outro
The epilogue: not so simple…
Episode begins
Warning
Win: A quick warning, this episode contains a few swear words and high frequency sound… which makes it even more fun. Otherwise, enjoy the show!
Prologue
[Music: chilling, forlorn song begins playing]
Win:
Why does the universe exist?
Am I living in a simulation, a dream?
Why is my consciousness nailed onto this body?
Can nirvana actually be achieved, true happiness redeemed?
Not that the answer mattered.
And no, I’m not suicidal.
So out of my drifting mind and onto the treadmill of reality I go.
[Music: slowly fades away]
Intro: one last chance for my parents
Win: Hi my name is Win. Thank you for giving East Asian Story a chance by listening.—
Joyce: —HERRRR The Dark Lord! [swearing tone]
Win: That’s my wife, Joyce. The reluctant co-host of this experimental show.
Joyce: I’m about to step in a pile of shit—
Win: —Together till death do us part.
JW: [laugh together]
Win: So... Joyce always says that, whenever I talk with parents, it’s like I’m going to war…
[Music: Chinese war drum plays]
[SFX: unsheathing a sword 🗡️]
Win: …except I’m ganged up by them.
[SFX: 2 guns clicking 🔫 🔫]
Win: Just listen, just listen to this clip. I kept saying, “Wait let me… Wait! Let me speak!” But they’re just an unstoppable force together.
Parents: [shouting in Thai, not translated]
Win: [pleading in Thai, not translated]
[Music: Chinese war drum fades out]
Win: Sigh.
Joyce: I mean they kind of finish each other's sandwiches.
JW: [laugh together]
Win: Like amazing.
Joyce: They are an awesome team.
Win: Like many modern Chinese or Asian families generally
[Music: tip-toeing nervous song plays]
Win: My parents and I have a rather complicated relationship. I love them, but I’m also trying REALLY HARD not to be extremely annoyed by them.
Joyce: Yea. They’re not making it easy for you.
Win: Umm... we’re not lovey-dovey like Western families at all.
Joyce: Uh huh. [agreeing tone]
Win: I don’t know a better way to describe it, but they’re like... cats you know.
[SFX: brooding cat’s breath— sudden angry cat’s scream— back to cat’s breath]
Joyce: You’re just never entirely sure what they’re actually thinking or feeling, like ever.
Win: For example, growing up as a kid.
Joyce: Every single week, in the fridge you’ll find peeled mango, diced papaya and cut durian magically appear in the fridge, left just for you! That’s your parents’ magic!
Win: Umm wait wait, but it’s usually accompanied by them saying “YOU BETTER EAT IT OR ELSE!”
Joyce: Ai yai yai! [sighing tone]
Win: Why is that even necessary you know?
Win: And as I finished school and began my career, I felt more and more like a pin cushion absorbing their discontent of me.
Joyce: Compliments few, criticisms plenty.
Win: Whenever we sit down together for dinner as a family—
Joyce: —Or bump into each other in the kitchen—
Win: Out of nowhere, they’ll suddenly blurt out…
Parents: Look at your cousin, he’s so amazing!
Win: No! Wait!
Parents: He‘s currently the number 1 seller in his category on that leading online marketplace!
Win: No! I already have a plan and it’s going fine!
Parents: Yea yea yea fine. That’s it then. [giving up, disappointed tone]
[Music: tip-toeing nervous song fades out]
Win: You hear THAT tone, especially at the end? THAT’S WHY over time I defaulted to being angry and defensive whenever we interacted. THAT’S WHY we’re rarely affectionate or express our love to each other. Especially after hurtful exchanges like that, something within me... cannot bring myself to be tender with them. Even when it’s such a simple act, just... to reach out and hug them. And there’s nothing else I wanted more in life than that.
Joyce: Uh huh. [agreeing tone]
Win: Instead, deep down inside, I always feel like I’m just a disappointment to them. I’m not good enough compared to others, specifically in my career. And they only raised me up because... they couldn’t choose a better kid [echo].
Win: Until finally, I’ve reached a breaking point, I love them but seriously I can’t go on with this toxic relationship any longer.
Joyce: Something has got to change. [dark tone]
Win: I’m going to sit them down. And confront them directly heart-to-heart for the truth.
[Music: tip-toeing nervous song — dark version — suddenly plays]
Win: One last chance.
Win: To work out if it’s even possible to finally be good enough. I hope we could come to a compromise. Because otherwise I’m moving on, we’re better off in our own separate ways.
Joyce: He’s also about to make a radical life decision that will betray his family.
Win: Screw my parents! I’ve decided to throw away my career to become... an artist. [evil but cheeky tone]
[SFX: a crowd gasping from disbelief 😲😱🤭]
Joyce: So on today’s episode.
Win: How being a disappointment to my parents turned me into a walking grenade. And what’s going to happen when I finally explode.
Joyce: That’s coming up after the break.
Win: Stay with us.
[Music: tip-toeing nervous song — dark version — slowly fades out]
Sponsor message 1: cool documentary podcasts
[Music: fun drumbeat song plays]
Win: So whenever I say the word podcast, most of us East Asians will think I’m speaking of talk shows.
JW: BUT
Joyce: If you love emotional storytelling, hard-hitting journalism, and creative sound design.
Win: Then you should definitely try out more documentary-style podcasts. These shows are like rock stars in the West.
Joyce: Shows like This American Life.
Win: Or Radiolab for science lovers.
Joyce: And 99% Invisible, if you’re curious about hidden designs.
Win: All of which inspired this show. And I’m not even at 1% of how GOOD they are.
Joyce: So go pop your bubble, and get your minds blown.
Win: For a recommendations of episodes to start with, head over to our article at eastasianstory.substack.com.
Joyce: The link is in the episode description.
[Music: dramatic shift in drumbeat]
[Voice alteration: chipmunk style 🐿️]
Win: Full disclosure: I’m the producer of a show recommended in the list. The opinion is my own not of my current or future employers. These disclaimer thingy are read in hyper-speed nobody can understand a single shit any way. Hehehehe.
Joyce: [laughs] Yea!
[Music: fun drumbeat song slowly fades]
I graduated for them
[back to normal voice]
Win: You know, thinking about it, I was wrong. Actually there was this one time, only once, did my dad openly say he was proud of me.
Joyce: Hm?
Win: It was the day that I graduated.
[SFX: graduation crowd background sound begins, cheering 🎓🎓🎓]
[Music: warm cozy music plays]
Joyce: A science degree, never art, as most Asian parents preferred.
Win: Right. My dad boasted about me to everyone he knew.
[SFX: man laugh 😁, multiple text messages sent ✉️ ↗️ ↗️ ↗️ ↗️]
Win: And I was embarrassed honestly but let him be. Because I knew how much this moment really meant to him.
Win: I remembered playfully placing my graduation cap on his head.
[SFX: success — video game style 🌟]
Win: Asking for a photo with him in that setup instead.
[SFX: camera shutter clicking 📸 ]
Joyce: It was the memory he cherished most from that day.
Win: Of course he was confused, laughed. but still played along.
[SFX: man laugh, camera shutter clicking 📸 ]
[SFX: graduation crowd background sound fades]
Win: And I never told him why, for I was too shy.
Win: I worked hard to graduate because I felt grateful to be his son.
Joyce: As a child from an immigrant family—
Win: —One starting from nothing.
Win: Early on in life he had to dropped out of school to help the family business.
[Music: warm cosy music slowly fades]
Win: And that sacrifice then, got me the head start now. So of course I must graduate, make it pay off, I got to make him proud.
[SFX: high frequency ringing stressful noise slowly rise 💫💫💫]
Joyce: But you also can’t deny that you were screaming out loud.
Win: Yea, mental mushroom clouds.
[SFX: ambience atomic bomb explosion 💣🤯]
Wandering nihilistic thoughts
[SFX: high frequency ringing stressful noise sudden cut]
[Music: chilling, forlorn song begins playing]
Win: To live someone else’s goal, without a soul, I did wonder…
In the end, does any of this really matter though?
All these chases, the rat races, my every trace.
When we’re all insignificant blips in time and space.
For the reality is, in the long run we’ll all be dead.
We’re all dead [distant voice]
Just borrowed atoms and order due for return to entropy,
Our only certain destiny.
[Music: chilling, forlorn song kept rising in intensity]
[Music: chilling, forlorn song suddenly cuts]
Completing our Chinese circle of life
[Music: warm cosy song suddenly play]
[SFX: graduation background sound returns 🎓🎓🎓]
Win: Snap back to reality, to that moment on graduation day. Behind the camera, responding to my shot request—
Joyce: —Was me, the obligated girlfriend, always.
[SFX: camera shutter clicking 📸]
Win: [laughs] I looked like a complete nerd then in the photo right?
Joyce: Super socially awkward.
Win: Shirts tucked, pants high.
Joyce: But still trying to look cool. [sighing tone]
Win: [laughs in a super nerdy tone]
[SFX: camera shutter clicking 📸 ]
Win: Joyce entered my life, and after graduation, we soon got married.
[SFX: wedding crowd applause and cheer 💍]
Joyce: Check.
Win: I got a well-paying job as a corporate soldier.
Joyce: Check.
Win: Now all that’s left to fulfil my parents was simple. Make loads of cute little babies, boo boo boo~
[SFX: baby cooing — content 👶🏻🔆]
Joyce: Not yet.
Win: And finally care for my parents in return when they grow old, as they did for me earlier on when I was growing up.
Joyce: Competing our Chinese circle of life.
Win: Which I was more than happy to. One for all, and all for one! [distant echo voice]
Joyce: The Chinese version.
[SFX: baby cooing — agreeing 👶🏻💕]
[Music: warm cosy song slowly fades]
I wasn’t good enough. Worthless.
[Music: chilling, forlorn song — with dramatic bass version — slowly plays]
Win: Except it wasn’t as straightforward as I thought
School, career, marriage, parenting, ageing, death.
A perpetual cycle of new suffering at every breath!
Instead, those prodding from my parents just grew more and more every day.
Joyce (impersonating my parents): Wow. Your other cousins are now doctors! They’re going to have such a great income! Hey is that successful CEO on TV your friend from uni? He’s so accomplished at such a young age!
Win: What they NEVER said at the end of the sentence but I knew they always felt was, I wasn’t good enough. Worthless. Dad didn’t even finish primary school and he made it this far. Is that all I could do, with this super privileged head start of mine?
To be complaining about my upper-middle class arse,
When everything from the outside looks… just fine.
Dad: People accused me of wasting money for sending my kids to study abroad.
Win: In the eyes of the community my dad boasted to, and therefore my parents, I was a bubble. A toxic asset with a terrible return on investment that will never pay-off!
What then should I do about the eternal struggle of life?
How can I ever be free?
My educational success was the perfect setup for their incredible fall from grace. That STABS my heart every time I think about it.
Do I face it like a fighter?
Defiant heart, energised by misery?
Win: Still, I accepted the truth, morphine injected emotionally.
Joyce (impersonating my parents): You should be doing something, you know, worthy of your education cost.
Win: You mean like building a billion-dollar business empire? If not, inventing the COVID-19 vaccines, along those lines? Not just… a job that’s sufficient at paying the bills.
Perhaps I should end all this by escaping to Buddhism.
Avoid new narratives, have all existing ones killed?
[Music: Chilling, forlorn music slowly fades]
Joyce: No more babies, is that your will? [cutting the tension]
[SFX: baby cooing — disagrees 👶🏻💢]
Throw it all away to become an artist
Win: Until one day, life LOVES to play pranks on us…
Joyce: Cornering him into an unavoidable confrontation with his parents.
Win: And out of the blue… it threw double-edged knife at my brain.
Joyce: And I remembered it so clearly that evening. It was the evening. I came home from uni and we sat at the end of the bed. And you were like… I’ve had a thought— This is like your classic, classic thing. I come back from somewhere, some sort of absence, and then you say I have a thought, and I’m like… something’s gonna change.
Joyce: He became unstable.
Win: Let’s flip the table! Leave this flawed paradise behind as a fable!
Joyce: You said… you figured out what you wanted to do. I said, what.
Win: [snicker]
Joyce: You said… I think I might do a podcast.
[Music: fun drumbeat song — quirky version — plays]
Win: Full-time, as a creator. An audio documentary producer.
Win: Finally, thought and action unify.
Walk my own path now,
Or it’ll be 50 more years of lies!
Joyce: I was like. Are you… out of your mind.
Win: [laughs in the distant] Why? Why?!
Joyce: Are you looking for honesty?—
Win: —Spank me baby.
Joyce: It’s pretty cool, a bit indie.
Win: [laughs] Doesn’t make money.
JW: [laugh together]
Joyce: [Lost for words]… This does not sound right? I don’t know it just felt so weird! Did somebody like tilt you upside down and do a bit of a shake? ‘Cause umm… Don’t want to make it sound bad but like… think Michelle Obama reading her e-book.
They have the voice, charisma, they have the... the character to pull it off. You were always too ashamed of your accent and things like that. Flllpppppp BRRRRRRR! [Lost for words, resigned]
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
Win: Yea I understand. I’m an awkward nerd who only dared to pick up careers that I thought my parents would approve as PROPER.
Growing some rich person’s wealth,
At the expense of my mental health.
[grudging tone]
Win: But still… I’ve never felt this at peace with my work. Creating audio documentary is something that I can’t stop doing!
To tell lovingly-produced stories that make people laugh, cry and inspired. Investigate misunderstandings, pop bubbles, and tear down lies! [poetic tone]
Living as if the next second I will and will not die.
Ready to dematerialise. No regret! Depart with a smile.
Win: And then… the pandemic hit the world.
[SFX: distant disaster warning siren 🚨]
Win: Reminding us even more of how our lives are SO FRAGILE!
Joyce: Gone.
[SFX: wind blowing away candle flame 💨🕯️]
Joyce: Like a flick of a candle light.
Win: Before we actually live it, make it worthwhile.
Win: I do not fear death, but I do fear regret.
My health, parents, wife, the little joys in life…
Still cherish them everyday, I never forget.
[Music: fun drumbeat music slowly fades]
Win: I’ll find a new stable path for everything to work well together.
Joyce: Restructure his future memoir chapters, from tragedy into adventure!
Win: To do so, I’ll need to talk to them frankly for the first time. Say I’m truly sorry. That I’ll never be good enough to meet their expectation.
[pause]
Then listen. Really listen.
[pause]
And hopefully, we’ll find a way out that we can still co-exist peacefully together.
Joyce: So one day.
[SFX: open door 🚪]
When he was ready. He walked over to his parents’ room.
[SFX: walking 👣]
Knocked on their door.
[SFX: knock door 🚪💥]
And went inside.
[SFX: open door. 🚪 inaudible parents speaking noise 🗣️]
Dad: You know that friend of my friend, he switched 20 different careers! Before this he was really poor but after he started selling pork meat balls, and now he’s super rich!
Win: I asked them to sit down. It’s gonna take awhile, this is serious. And finally spilled all of my honest feelings to them. Everything. The whole unfiltered truth about what I planned to do.
Joyce: What happened next. A total shitstorm.
[Music: tip-toeing nervous song — darker, more chilling version — suddenly plays]
Joyce: That’s coming up after the break.
[Music: tip-toeing nervous song — darker, more chilling version — slowly fades]
Sponsor message 2: thank you pa and ma
Win: This episode is sponsored indirecttly by my parents. Who have no idea, no clue what I’m doing right now with life, but still allow this unemployed individual to stay in their house for free and also feed me from time to time.
So to pa and ma… I’ll say it here since I never dared to say it to you in person. Thank you. I love you guys unconditionally regardless of all the issues between us, and what’s about to come. Bye!
Coming out to my parents
[Music: groovy song plays]
Win: Right. Immediately after I came out to my parents.
Joyce: That he’s going to become a struggling journalist slash artist.
Win: Well, prepare for trouble—
Joyce: —Make it double—
Win: —They went totally ballistic.
[Music: heavy metal electric guitar plays]
Parents: [speak in Thai, not translated, scornful disbelief tone]
[Music: heavy metal electric guitar fades]
[Music: groovy song continues]
Win: [laughs] So they said I’M SO PROUD OF YOU MY SON!
Joyce: Yea right. Skepticisms about your ability, income prospects, and age… as you can probably hear from their tone of voice alone.
[Music: groovy song fades]
The showdown
Win: And then my mum took centre stage, imparting her classic holy sermons.
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫]
[Music: holy ambience song plays]
Mum:
Sometimes, you have to accept the work that you hate,
Or reality that your heart rejects.
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫]
On everything in life, there’s both happiness and suffering.
Unavoidable! When you closely inspect.
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫]
You can never feel only happiness.
Trust in Buddha boy, respect!
[Music: holy ambience song fades]
Win: She’s a super practitioner of Thai Buddhism. Well, I did see that coming… so I… delivered a counter argument I prepared. [cheeky tone]
Sure it’s true, this new path is also ridden with hardship, probably for years.
[Music: peaceful, beautiful music plays]
But this is one meaningful suffering I’ll gladly embrace. In fact, I volunteer!
Only by working on what I believe in can I push myself to become the best. Make it sustainable, endure all assaults of pain.
By achieving peace with our lives, everything to come — loving both the bitter and the sweet. THAT’S my preferred flavour of nirvana, no regret, I’m already complete.
[Music: peaceful, beautiful music fades]
Joyce: Cheeyyyyy [wow tone] that’s deep.
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫]
JW: [laugh together]
Joyce: Aiyyyyyyy [wow tone]
Joyce: They all went silent
[pause]
Then his dad stepped up.
[SFX: Chinese war drum slowly building tension dramatically 🥁⚔️]
[pause]
[Music: forlorn Chinese flute plays in the distant]
Dad:
I live the Chinese way of life, everything I do is for my kids.
Maybe you’ve studied abroad for too long.
Became too Westernised, oh Heaven forbid.
You said you could live self-sufficiently,
But will you not give your kids a head start too, like I did?
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫, joining the song]
Parents: [combo attack]
And when we’re old, will you return to care of us?
Though we’re not expecting it, Pffft.
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫]
It’s not treacherous.
Dad:
You see how I brew tea as an offering to your late grandpa everyday?
How I kept your grandma company every week.
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫]
Never went astray.
This is our Chinese tradition.
Caring for your elders, filial piety.
Mum:
Fall into water never drown.
[SFX: striking a Buddhist bell 🔔💫]
Fall into fire never burn. Trust me.
[Music: forlorn Chinese flute slowly fades]
Win: Yes, I know, I replied. We always have each other’s back, our family’s mutual insurance policy. And I’ll try my damndest to fulfil my responsibility, as I’ve always done my entire life, don’t you see?
But can’t I also choose a career that I enjoy too, not just go for big money or glory. Why can’t you agree?
Joyce: He paused, letting it all sink in.
[pause]
Then...
Drowning
[Music: chilling, forlorn song plays]
[SFX: high frequency stressful ringing noise slowly rise 💫💫💫]
Dad: Win, in your case you don’t see a good path yet. You remembered your ma told you about her friend’s nephew? He started a huge laundromat franchise business, and now they already have some 100-200 outlets!
[Voice alteration: muffled, drowning, numb to it 😵]
Mum: Yea! You know, that coin-operated washing machine we’ve owned for a decade, it pays itself back EVERY FEW MONTHS! It might look small but it’s really a cash cow!
Win: Right, now I'm worth even less than a washing machine. Thank you for the reminder.
[Voice back to normal]
Mum: Pa, Win doesn’t have the knack to do business. He’s probably only good at those high-brow academic stuff.
[Music: chilling, forlorn song fades]
Joyce: High-brow academic stuff shit!!! That’s stings. Ohhhh. What do your parents think of me?? UGHHHHHHHH [roar]
Win: [Sigh] That was the final straw for me.
[super angry] I’m perfectly happy to shoulder the family financially, and I think I can do it, given enough time in my chosen path, but that still doesn’t sound good enough for them. I used to have a promising job in the corporate world, that wasn’t good enough for them either.
So how much money do I need to make for them to approve of me? 10x, maybe 20x of my education cost within 10 years? Would that be finally enough for them to stop feeling humiliated in their social circle? Is that what all this is about?
Joyce: His morale collapsed. Done.
Win: Even though we spoke the same language, our generations could never understand each other.
Joyce: Completely depressed. He tossed out a question at them without much thought.
Opening up, slowly together
Win: So what is your expectation of success on me? Huh?
Parents: You being able to make a living, ok? We never wished for you to be super rich. If you can support your family to be happy then that’s enough for me not to be worried about you.
[pause]
Win: Really?!?!
[pause]
[ridiculous, accusing tone] Then why do you keep throwing those examples at me? Like pork meat balls turning into gold, or another friend being a laundromat emperor!?
[hurt tone] Is that what you consider good enough for being able to support my family?
If that’s your definition of success, working on something that pays off your investment in my education, I’m really stressed! How on earth would I be able to achieve that?
Parents: Noooo! Those examples were intended to tell you to not give up if you fail the first time round.
[Music: warm, sober song plays — opening up our hearts together]
Dad: And I just wanted to share other paths I found, in case you reach a dead end.
Mum: We’re afraid you’ll give up. That finish line, nobody knows how far it is, and how much you can endure along the way.
Dad: Win, when you fall, you have to get up.
Parents: And I never ever thought about how much money we spent on your education versus how much money you should make.
Dad: People accused me of wasting money for sending my kids to study abroad, and I argued with them, you know! I told them, unlike other families, I will not give you any inheritance! Nothing! But I will support you in your education, however far you want to go.
Parents: Nurture you to learn to fish for yourself, rather than feeding you. I didn't do it out of hope that you would pay me back like an investment.
Mum: You can live however like, struggling or sufficient that’s up to you. I did everything FOR YOU, to give you the most comfortable life. And I think I’ve completed my duty as a parent.
Dad: We’re your parents, we’ll never criticise your choices. And we can’t help but root for you, support you.
Mum: Yes! We’re always on edge. We can’t wait for you to succeed.
Dad: But you’re still struggling to find your footing. And we know business these days is incredibly hard, especially with the pandemic. Oh my goodness.
Win: No but I came to talk to you because I’m afraid you would feel stressed when you meet others… because of me.
Dad: What am I worried about?
Mum: YOU like to complain it to me, comparing with other families or about what grandma says to you.
Win: So I’m scared that you’d be stressed!
Do you understand why I gritted my teeth to graduate? Because you told me to— [breakdown]
[silent]
[Win suddenly sobs]
[Parents’ surprised chuckle]
Dad: What’s wrong? Don’t think too much.
Mum: [starts laughing and crying at the same time]
Dad: What the heck?
Mum: I have a headache.
[Win continues sobbing, trying to play it down]
Dad: You don’t have to worry, I’m not stressed. I know that nobody succeeds with only one try. No way.
What’s the matter with you two! [‘this is funny and weird’ tone]
Mum: [laughing and crying visibly in response]
Dad: [chuckles]
Mum: I’m fine, I’m not stress! [continues laughing and crying]
Dad: If you are not stressed, why are you crying? Both of you are so alike. [teasing tone]
Win: [crying but couldn’t hold back to laugh+cry any longer]
Mum: I pity him!
Dad: What are you pitying for? [‘what the heck’ tone]
Win: No, I’m fine. I just came to talk because I’m afraid you will be stressed.
Mum: He’s worried about you, get it? [trying to recover her cool, supporting Win tone]
Dad: He’s worried about me? I’M worried about HIM! [cheeky tone]
Win: [Starts to protest—]
Dad: [calm, soothing tone] You don’t need to worry about me. You know why, I’m not worried about him because he has a good life partner giving him advice—
Joyce: [breaking the translator wall to speak to Win] —GASP (laughing, disbelief tone). Hashtag highbrow academic!
Win: [laughs]
Parents: We know Joyce is very smart— [Joyce read the translation in a hilarious tone. 😂]
Joyce: [breaking the translator wall to speak to Win, again] Sigh. Oh. Sigh. Oh my gosh… I… feel like a hypocrite.
[Joyce then regained her composure and professionalism as a translator, ahem 😤]
Mum: And I NEVER EVER feel stressed about you having to be as successful compared to others.
Dad: When my friend asks what you’re doing I just say I don’t understand it.
Mum: [agreeing in the background]
Dad: I don’t even know how to use the internet.
Mum: You’re working on it and it’ll take time. There’s absolutely NO NEED to be worried that we’ll be stressed about it! HONESTLY!
But maybe you just might want to be worried about us when we’re old, that’s all, hehe. [super cheeky tone]
[Music: warm, sober song slowly fades]
Win: And that was the end of our conversation, since it was getting TOO intimate and so a bit awkward for us.
[Music: warm, sober song replays]
Mum: Alright, we understand, the end! Everyone’s happy! Enough talk! Go to sleep. Time for bed! [Joyce stylised freestyle translation]
Joyce: [continues having fun, ‘reading a storybook for babies’ tone]
They shooed him away out of the room, saying it’s time to sleep.
No hugging, or whispering I love you, and DEFINITELY no pecking on the cheek.
Okay baby—
—[SFX: baby cooing — cheeky, annoyed tone 👶🏻👻]
Win: That’s something I’m super jealous of Western families. This is as raw and affectionate as they’ll get… but I’ll gladly take it.
[Music: warm, sober song slowly fades]
Outro
Joyce: Hey my amazing husband [cheeky tone]
Win: Yes my smart-ass wife
JW: [laughs]
Joyce: Ughhh! Why do you write this?
Win: Just to prank you—
Joyce: —This is scripted, by the way, listeners.
Win: [laughs] Okay fine!
[Music: chill, exciting, summer song plays]
Joyce: So what happened between you and your parents after the chat? Has anything changed?
Win: Well, stick around to the epilogue to find out. It was more complicated than I thought.
Joyce: If you enjoyed this episode, please support the show by following us.
Win: And share this piece to friends you care about, especially those who are lost in life right now—
Joyce: —Or from an East Asian family.
Win: Yes you’re not alone.
Win: Special thanks to Joyce for co-hosting. Not that she was given any choice. [laughs]
Joyce: I just hate being recorded.
Win: And my parents for everything they gave me. I’ll try not to disappointment you guys.
Joyce: If you want to see the cute photo of nerdy Win and his dad wearing the graduation cap, which I took. [cheeky tone]
You can find it in our episode show notes at eastasianstory.substack.com, the link in the episode description.
[note: this page is the show note!]
Win: And see you in the next episode in which I’ll let you in on a fun story about my family’s secret origin!
Joyce (excerpt from next episode): Sexy evil demon-fox 💋, what the fuck?!
Joyce: It was REALLY GOOD. I never thought you’d be able to produce something like it.
Not to sound too cheesy but back to when you said you wanted to do a podcast right, I really did notice a different sort of look in your eyes. There was some sort of… certainty. Your eyes were saying I REALLY, REALLY have discovered this. 🤩
But I believed it and I stuck to it. If it means that much to you then yea! Let’s do it.
Win: Thank god you didn’t divorce me. [laughs]
Joyce: We’d literally just got married.
JW: [laugh]
[Music: chill, exciting, summer song fades]
Win: And now, onward to the epilogue.
The epilogue: not so simple…
Win: A year has passed. I've reached my 30s. Friends of my age are now directors, partners, got on to Forbes’ List.
And...
It doesn’t bother me anymore.
[Music: groovy delightful song plays]
Win: Congrats everyone on your success! No guilt, no shame!
Joyce: No more drama, baby llama? [confused tone — about the weird script]
Win: I’m in mental nirvana!
Joyce: And your parents after that talk?
Win: They hadn’t changed even a single bit. They still annoy me from time to time, UGHHH.
Joyce: [laughs]
Dad: Win have you watched the livestream ma bought her clothes from? Wow they spoke non-stop for hours and hours!
Mum: Definitely making at least millions of Baht a day. Multiple shipping containers a month!
[Music: groovy delightful song fades]
Win: UGHHHHHHH. !@#$%^.
Win: Yea they’re still like this. You get it. Instead, the one who changed… was me.
[Music: chill, exciting, summer song — slow epic build-up version — plays]
Win: Now whenever they hint to me to take care of them when they grow old, I recognise their intentions now, and take what they say as their way of indirectly expressing, with CUTE little puppy eyes…
“Please love me, love me back!”
Joyce: Ngawwwww! (cute tone) “Please love me, love me back!”
Win: I got to take a peek at the tender and shy soul they actually are. Underneath the tough exterior that led me to previously misinterpret them.
We’re not superficial survival partners.
Joyce: A calculated investment, or insurance policy.
Win: But parents and child that support each other.
Joyce: Purely, unconditionally.
Win: Honestly, who am I to think I would succeed in convincing them on anything.
Mum: You can do whatever you want. Everyone has their own perspectives. But you know, our generation never had a choice on our career paths.
Dad: There’s no way of choosing back then.
Mum: Our generation chased after stability, status, and a comfortable life, because we had a hard life, we grew up in poverty. Even when we also didn’t like our profession.
Dad: When we found a market opportunity, we were like OK and then went all in.
Win: I understand that, but my generation do have a choice! Better technology, better economy. Wouldn’t it be stupid for us not to grab that new privilege? Isn’t that what us Chinese work so hard for? To give our descendants a better life?
[SFX: baby cooing — agreeing 👶🏻💕]
Win: Anyway, so we agreed to disagree about life priorities. But to their credit, they gave me the rarest and priceless gift a Chinese kid of my generation could ever receive.
Joyce: Not just a head start in life.
Win: But one with NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
Joyce: Letting future generations decide things for themselves.
Win: Full freedom. To go explore, fall down, and figure things out for myself — since people change, my career path is already changing again as you’ll find out in the next season — but their trust, it’s always still there.
Joyce (impersonating my parents): Prove it to us you could do it, go rid us of our worries.
Win: Well, challenge accepted. The responsibility is all on me.
[Music: chill, exciting, summer song — slow epic build-up version — peaks then fades]
Joyce: And that’s how Western individualism and romanticism found it’s peace with Chinese collectivism and Thai Buddhism.
Win: The end—
Joyce: —That’s it! Chop chop! Off you go! Time for bed!
Win: [laughs] What the hell is this. [slams the table] You’re becoming a mother.
Joyce: [laughs] Spit spot!
[SFX: baby cooing — content 👶🏻🔆]
End of transcript. See you in the next episode! 🙂
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